The Cake of Reason
by thebossyleaf
Summary: Clara discovers Amy baking a cake. This takes her in a journey through her mind to find the true nature of her feelings for The Girl Who Waited. She has to decide if she will allow herself to love again.


A/N: More Clamy! I'm so obsessed with this pairing…The last one was about how they got together from Amy's POV, so I gave it a shot from Clara's POV inspired by Karen's character in "Not Another Happy Ending" (if you've seen it you know which scene I mean). Feel free to read my other Clamy stories and please review. Hope you enjoy!

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Clara was walking to the kitchen to find something to eat. For once, the TARDIS hadn't tried to send her anywhere else. _Good_, Clara thought. _Maybe she took pity that I'm really hungry. _

She reached the open door, but was unable to move further. She found the table and the whole kitchen counter covered in flour, different utensils all around the place and -in the centre of the mess-, an adorable looking Amy very focused on whipping some sort of cream in a bowl.

Clara stared at her, paying close attention to the elegant move of her hand as she whipped the cream, to the lovely frown of concentration in her face. Her perfect red hair fell off her shoulders and moved with the rest of her body. She also noticed the way her bum swayed as she worked. Clara's voice was completely caught in her throat, and she couldn't even try to speak.

After a few seconds, Amy noticed the brunette staring at her in awe. She turned to face her properly, revealing to Clara the flour resting at the tip of her nose. Clara's jaw dropped, not able to contain how affected she was by the beautiful sight she had in front of her.

Amy smiled at the shorter girl, which did nothing to improve her state. Clara was starting to feel how her knees weakened, and she was sure she would faint. However, Amy didn't seem to notice this.

"Oh, hey Clara. I'm just making a cake. I promise I'll clean up when I'm done." Amy -seeing Clara completely speechless, staring at her with wide eyes- decided to speak again. "Did you want something?"

_You_. Clara wanted to at least nod, but she was stuck in the same place she had been standing for the past seconds. Finally, her brain managed to restore some control. In one quick move, Clara had turned around and ran to her bedroom, closing the door behind her and resting her back against it.

_What the hell just happened? _She had just lost complete control of her body because of Amy. She had never felt anything like that; her heart beating so hard that Amy could have heard it, her mind lost in thoughts of the Scottish girl. It wasn't just lust; she had felt that before, and even though a part of her was thinking about that, this felt like a pressure in her chest.

While she lay on her bed, Clara couldn't stop replaying her sight from the kitchen in her mind. Every detail she had memorized from what she had seen was so perfect that she couldn't bring herself to think about anything else. She had even forgotten how hungry she was -and Clara never forgot it when she was hungry.

In the course of the last weeks, Clara had been thinking a lot about Amy. Since they first met she had felt a connection between them, but she blamed it on the fact that she had saved Amy's life then. Amy had asked the Doctor to invite Clara on board, and he had agreed to one trip to thank her. However, after their third adventure together, it became clear that Clara was staying with them.

Clara couldn't think of a moment in her life when she had been happier than those weeks with the Doctor and Amy. He was amazing, and Clara knew she would protect him to her last breath. She loved him in a way, but those feelings were completely different from the ones she held for Amy. Still, even though she understood that, she couldn't quite describe those feelings. She loved being around her; Amy was smart, funny, impertinent, and Clara just loved it. There was nothing about Amy that she didn't like; and there was something between them, in the way they teased each other, in the way they Amy looked at her…Clara loved that thing, even if she couldn't name it.

She was worried that she had fallen in love with her. She didn't want to love her. Everything she had ever loved had either left her or betrayed her, and she definitely didn't want to lose Amy.

After about half an hour, Clara heard a knock on her door. She didn't want to get up –or see anyone-, so she didn't answer. In no time, she heard a voice she knew too well from the other side.

"Clara? It's me, Amy. Can we talk for a second?"

Clara tried her best not to imagine her puppy eyes at the other side of the door. This took too long, and Amy spoke again.

"C'mon, Clara. Please, let me in. Please."

That was more than she could take. She was strong, but apparently not enough when it came to Amy, so she spoke up and allowed her in the room. Clara forced herself to stare at the ceiling, not wanting to look at the taller girl. Amy sat at the end of the bed, looking down at her hands, deciding what to say. Finally, she turned to look at her and spoke.

"Will you...tell me what that was about? Earlier in the kitchen, I mean. You just sort of ran away…Is there something wrong?" Clara sat up, but didn't meet her eyes. She started playing with her mum's ring -like she always did when she got nervous-, but found enough courage to answer.

"It was nothing. I…had a moment." She couldn't bring herself to say anything else for fear of saying too much.

"Was it because of your mum?" The look of concern on Amy's face was more than Clara could take. Her hazel eyes showed how worried she was about her, and Clara couldn't stand to see her so affected, so she tried to be brave and open up.

"No! No, it wasn't about my mum…It was about you."

Amy's eyes widened in surprise, and Clara quickly noticed the hint of sadness and hurt her words had caused_. Damn it, I'm such an idiot! She's upset now and it's my fault_.

Still, after a pause, Amy spoke calmly, trying to hide the tremble in her voice.

"I see…Then I suppose I'll leave you alone. I don't want to make you feel bad." Amy stood up and Clara thought she looked like she was about to ran away from the room and smash the door on her way out. She hated herself for not choosing her words more carefully. She grabbed Amy's wrist and stopped her from leaving. _Please don't leave me. Not you, please. Stay with me._ She stood up and struggled to speak.

"It's not that. I didn't mean to say that. I-" Clara couldn't find the words and Amy interrupted her, tears gathering in her eyes.

"Then what is it!?" Amy said loudly, the first tears falling down her cheek. Clara hated herself even more, and she was so desperate to calm Amy, to make her happy again that she didn't realise what she was saying.

"I love you!"

Amy looked completely stunned at Clara's confession. She definitely wasn't expecting to hear that. Clara felt her face wet, and she realised she was crying_. I blew it. I absolutely, utterly destroyed our relationship. What am I going to do? She'll never want talk to me again. I'm so selfish but I can't live like that. I need her. I love her. I-_

Clara's thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Amy's lips on hers, silencing them for some time. She closed her eyes and lost herself in the kiss before she started kissing back. She lost count of how long it lasted, but she was sure it had been the best, most loving and wanted kiss she had ever had. She hadn't realised that she had wanted to do that since she had first met Amy.

When Amy broke the kiss for air -her hair all messed up due to the obvious fact that Clara had buried her hands on it-, her eyes focused on Clara's, trying to read them for a reaction. Clara was mostly shocked that Amy had kissed her, but she decided to show her what she was feeling.

"So…you don't hate me, then?"

"Of course I don't hate you, stupid. I wouldn't snog you right after you said you love me if I didn't feel the same."

Clara's face lighted at Amy's words. _Is it possible that for once I fell for someone who actually loves me? I think I'll kiss her again, just to be sure._ So Clara stood on her tiptoes and kissed Amy once more, putting all her love in that one kiss.

It was turning into a more heated kiss when the Doctor pushed the door open, very excited about something.

"Guess where the TARDIS brought us!" Suddenly, he noticed what was happening right in front of him. _Oh, that's just great, Doctor. Brilliant timing._

"Pond!" He said covering his eyes with his hand, then removing it to point at her. "Why are you snogging Clara?" The blush in his cheeks and the confusion in his eyes were the most hilarious thing Clara had ever seen.

"Because I can!" Amy answered, her accent marking the words. "Jealous?" She asked with a smirk.

"Not a chance. Now let's go, we have important things to do." He turned around and walked away, not without giving them a puzzled look over his shoulder.

Clara fixed her dress looking down at her feet to hide her embarrassment. Once she was sure the Doctor had left, she looked at Amy. The taller girl took her hand and led them to the console room. Before stepping out the TARDIS doors, Amy whispered in Clara's ear.

"Just for you to know, there's not a chance you're getting away with snogging me like you just did."


End file.
